from time to time i discover myself thinking in english...and now again
there was one of my favourite movies on tv tonight -- "sweet november". just like "my life without me" and "on the edge" it makes me cry...cry sweet tears from the bottom of my heart. it's about love for life and pure love...i wish i could love my life the same way. no egoistis wishes and desires. just pure love. i wish it would be possible...but in the real life of mine november is not so sweet at all. outside wind is blowing so hard it seems i'm living by the sea...or maybe a train is passing our house. in real life i have a job and have to leave my baby alone all day...in real life i don't have enough time to enjoy it as much as i would like...and i don't want to say that i hate my life right now. no, not at all...i love my real life also. at least 90% of it....it's just that in dreamlife i would be so much happier...i would live by the sea and it wouldn't be just the wind that is blowing so hard it makes the illusion of the sea. no, real sea...with real beach. i would take my baby for a run everyday and look for the nicest shells hidden in the sand. i would just walk for hours and think about my life and love every single moment of it! just like a year ago...oh, i loved that beach so much!!!
i love crying those sweet tears...it seems to make everything easier. i feel better and every single thing around me seems better also...maybe my real life is not so un-dreamy after all. if to start thinking -- i've got everything i ever wanted and there are not so many things i am missing. it is all possible. probably it is all waiting for me, all in it's right time.
it seems to me that i can understand myself much better in english -- my thoughts are clearer for me...
There's no use denying,
For many times I've tried,
Love has never felt as good.
Be it downtown or way up in the air,
When your heart's pounding,
You know that I'm aware.
air - you make it easy
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